hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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