Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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