Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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