this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
