I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
