dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sorry my hands just texted you
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
