'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
