sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
