I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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