Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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