My sheets look like a crime scene.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
