I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
