You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
do herpes really smell.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
