I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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