the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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