Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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