I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we're making bets on your personal life
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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