Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just blew my weed a kiss
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
