I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
