entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
