So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
