yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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