you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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