My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
