I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
