she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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