Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
foreskin is a definite game changer
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
