went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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