yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
