please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
