Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I had to cum in my sink.
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