Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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