So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
