dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Acid is not a monday night drug
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
