u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
