farters have to be the big spoon...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
