I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
