Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
