I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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