So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
