i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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