i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
