when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
