My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We're too hungover to prance.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
