I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
