I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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