my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
