it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
