u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
