haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
