happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
