that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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