so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
