I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
