i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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